Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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