I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
