So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
