Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
