I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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