Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
