my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
