I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
