Screwed.edu
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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