oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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