Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
