My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
