They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
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i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...