he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.