do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS