I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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