she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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