note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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