The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
