What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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