I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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