Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
