I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
