Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
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you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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