I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My dick has a subreddit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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