your parents love me but you hate me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
