I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
