Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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