You're so nebulous sometimes
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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