Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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