What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
