If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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