I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
