i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
