God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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