I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
