I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
