I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
