Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
