idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
