No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
