I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
