My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
