You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
