I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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