Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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