absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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