this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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