I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
