I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
