i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You have to summon your inner elephant
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
