and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
