I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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