I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Houston, we have a blender
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
