Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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