pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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