Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
