Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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