if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
