Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it glows. i had to have it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
