I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
