Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
