so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
