Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize