you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
