She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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