went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
