For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
