I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize