piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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