some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
