So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Be still, my beating vagina.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
