He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
