I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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