Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
