it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
