Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
