you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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