so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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