I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
