his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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