so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was like eating out sand paper
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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