I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize