is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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