I faked an abortion last night.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
