I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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