I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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