this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
