a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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